the search for a sublime love

How beautiful it is to be capable of the sublime. To overflow beyond our limits, to surrender to the storms of life, committed to becoming someone better. And love needs exactly that: people who first believe in the truth of such a beautiful feeling, people who do not flinch from the growth that must be born within themselves. People who do not question why to love, but simply love. People who look into our eyes and lay bare every sincerity of their being. To love is a sincere gesture, pure, free of barriers. For love to survive in us, it must remain unharmed by our cruelties. Love does not survive on illusions. Nor on empty words lost to the wind. We often fall in love with another person not because of what they say to us, but because of the way they look at us. It is the light in their eyes, the strength of their intentions, the person they make us become. And that is what love is: the refinement of the soul, an overflowing of kindness. Love makes us better.

Love is such a noble feeling that it teaches us to renounce. There is no pride when we love. No vanities that do not matter. To love, we must let go of expectations. We love what the other truly is; if we love what we imagine, we will be loving a reality that never existed. We love the qualities, the way the other looks, the way they speak. We love the voice, the gestures, the smiles. But we must also love the way the other is always late, or the way they always forget the important dates. We must love their struggles, their shortcomings, and perhaps even that morning bad mood that shows up now and then. Yes, loving someone also means loving all of their flaws. And tolerating the failures that live in us as well.

But do not think love must be blind protection. We love, and because we love, it falls to us to guide the ones we love toward becoming better, not simply to accept everything in the name of love. Those who love seek to be better, for their own sake and for others. Those who love know how to wait and to stand by the beloved along the harsh trail of change, a trail so long and full of hardship. We must be there to help the transformation along, while being transformed ourselves. And love is also what we feel for ourselves. Therefore, love is not the kind that accepts everything. The love we hold within ourselves must be demanding, accepting only what is good for us, nothing less than that. Love for something that harms us, that mistreats us, that disrespects us, is torture. In fact, a love that accepts everything can be many things, anything but love.

To love is far more than the already so worn-out "I love you". More than saying: "You are everything to me". To love is to stand in the front row, applauding the beloved who wins, who made a dream come true. To love is to make the other's dream of jumping out of a plane come true, even while terrified. Or at least to watch from the ground, the beloved up in the sky like a little bird. To love is to break through barriers. It is to fight the good fight. Love could be easier, but we are the ones who make things harder. It is easy to love those who always please us. Those who always treat us conveniently. It is easy to fall head over heels for someone who is happy. Have you ever tried loving someone who seems not to deserve it? Have you tested your love when everything goes wrong? When the person is going through a very hard time? It takes courage to look into the other's eyes when everything seems lost, heart a little wounded, and say: "You did wrong, yes, but I love you". It is easy to say I love you while walking away; the hard part is offering a hand and helping them up when the other slipped on their mistakes. To love is to carry the attitude that, even if not right away, we can embrace the other and say: "You got everything wrong, but come with me, and we will have the chance to start doing what is right!".

To love is to support. To care. To love is to know the other will err. That they may hurt us, and that we too will hurt someone at some point. But we do not run from our responsibilities. We do not run from fighting our own weaknesses. After all, those who love do not give up on the other. One may leave, if leaving is better for the other, for their growth. But one will always be ready to return. Always ready to extend a hand. Those who love, even from afar, even after leaving, always know the way back. And above all, those who love themselves never give up on who they are, never forget themselves.

To love someone for their beauty, for the comfort they give us, for the luxury they provide is far too shallow. That is for those who love things, not people. For those who love appearances and not what truly matters. It is hard to feel that someone truly loves us in an age of liquid feelings. In a generation accustomed to trading up for something better whenever something breaks or loses its usefulness. That is precisely what happens to us as we grow old. Beauty has already said its goodbyes, the luxury may often no longer be what it once was, and usefulness is slipping away too. Today we are useful to most people, and once we stop being, what will become of us? Will we be tossed aside and discarded like today's electronics? Who in your life would keep the same importance to you even after becoming completely useless? Did someone come to mind? If so, you truly love that person. It is easy to find out who we really love: who in your life would you never give up on, even without any usefulness, even doing everything wrong, even without the best past, even not being what you expected, even not always making you proud, even giving you nothing in return? That is what love is. We love for the simple sake of loving. Love is not a bargaining chip, though reciprocity is important and healthy. To love is to know how to forgive. To love is to know how to rebuild, inside us, the right image of the one we love, each time we realize they are not what we expected. Simply because they owe us nothing.

Love is complex, yes; love is hard; love is complicated beyond measure. Love is for the mad. Love has gone out of fashion. For many, love is a waste of time. People say all of that. But love is essential. Love is what keeps us alive. Those who do not love themselves will not know how to love another. Love makes us respect, love makes us prosper. When the love we feel for our life, for what we do, for who we are, when it can no longer be contained within us, that is the moment to love another. Only then will love be true; only then will it be able to face the challenges of the beautiful, yet difficult road of loving someone. Only then will we love a person for what they mean to us, not for their usefulness. As time runs fast and old age draws closer each day, I hope to have someone who, when age has carried away the beauty, the energy, the possibility of being as useful as in youth, loves me still. Someone who does not walk away. Someone who knows my worth, who recognizes who I am. Who, despite everything, takes pride in me, who truly loves the essence of what I am. Someone who, when I am sitting in the armchair on the veranda, takes my hand, looks into my eyes and says: "Life may have been very heavy, some dreams may have been left along the way, but I will go to the end with you. For even when you say nothing, I know what you mean. For when I say I love you, I can tell by your eyes that you say you love me too. And inside your embrace I could live forever. No matter what happens, I will be here with you."